If Only

Whether true or not,

I am projecting that

more likely than not

there is or will be someone

reading this blog

thinking,

“this guy needs to know

Jesus; if he would accept him

as his personal Lord and Savior,

then he would know the truth.”

To you, if you do exist

outside my projection

I say,

I have been baptized

four times:

sprinkled by a Catholic priest,

as an infant;

dunked by a Baptist pastor

citing Matthew 28:19;

dunked again,

by a holiness preacher

citing Acts 2:38;

and once by a friend

as a rededication.

I have been

ceremonially

“baptized with the Holy Spirit”

as many times.

I am well read and versed

in biblical scripture,

having pondered it all of my life.

I have been consecrated,

anointed with oil,

and dedicated

to exclusive spiritual service;

I even shaved my head,

took a Nazarite vow,

and have

committed myself

to the sole

and exclusive service

of

the Creator,

who I know as

Yahweh,

and his appointed and anointed

King Yahsuha.

And one more thing:

every step of the way

I have walked,

has been

and continues to be

more than

mere ritual.

I say what I mean

and mean what I say.

After all this,

combined with all my years

of experience with

and study of

Christianity,

I conclude

that

the spirit I carry within me

has not been,

and continues not to be

welcome in Christian circles.

I must therefore conclude,

that either I am so self-absorbed

so ego-centric;

so deluded,

so lost,

and am so very far away

that I cannot access the truth,

and that there is absolutely

no hope for me,

and I will spend

eternity in hell,

or that

the so-called Christian church,

no matter the denomination,

is a cesspool of Satan,

and the Spirit within me,

the desire, even the obsession

to know the truth,

is an adversary to this institution,

and simply not welcome there.